What's Wrong with Mi?

It has been a while, since I felt very inadequate. I am not a person like that, who will constantly feel bad about myself. Usually it will pass within 1-2 weeks. No, not this time, not since then, not since when she comes back, not since my direction is controlled. I have been seen as inadequate, just like a newbie and noobie. Everything feels so odd, and people don't seem to be able to give me a hand. I feel extremely stressed but nobody could really help, because I don't even have time to call the Mayday 911.

I prefer to work on my own feet without any reference. In that way, no matter how you do it, it's an achievement. At most times, when you do have references, you tend to follow at least 70-80% of what has been done before, instead of trying to invent something new, that's solely by your own effort, originality, creativity and innovation.

I just got my contract renewal a month ago. Nothing to hoohaa about, I know I am good, but still have a lot of space for improvement. I put hope that I might be converted to a permanent position, because many people around are telling/giving me the false hope, until I received an email from my manager, that totally broke my hope, to tell me I will continue be doing what I do, with no changes of my job title and job scope.

I was telling myself, if I am doing what a permanent employee is doing, but my benefit is cut down by at least 60%, should I sound it out and try to get what I deserve? I don't know, I feel too inadequate to do anything now.

Oh yea, this lately, my friends seem to hang out with my friends, means the usual ME-FRIEND A - FRIEND B. I intro A and B to know each other. And they go out more often than I do. And I feel neglected. Nevermind, people come and go. I will know more good friends, those who do cherish me, will stay. Those who do not, I guess I can't even remember their names now....

As for now, I feel financially unstable too. I actually bought a house, with my brother. I have to pay 500+ per month for it, while my brother will pay more. Our loan is RM300k, for 30 years. Imagine? I just started working for a year, and I have to buy a house, for safety reason. It's a wise decision, as we don't want to risk our lives and properties to those uncivilized people who try to break in to our current place whenever possible.

Relationship wise? I guess I am slowly adjusting to single life and do not want to even hope for it. It's already difficult to be gay, why do bother to make myself miserable to search for a precious one in the ocean?

I am sick now btw. It has been 1 year plus I didn't fall sick. GREAT, fell sick when I am having a busy schedule for work this week. I shall be reviving after 26 August, because that's when my project ends and the Raya holidays will come! I didn't take extra leaves, but at least I will be office alone, and nobody will disturb me. :)

Tomorrow will probably on MC. Sigh, too busy to fall sick ya know?

OS of the day:

Seriously people, stop checking in using your iphone. You appear so lonely and worry that people can't find you.