I Ain't Superman

The days in Penang have been treating me well so far. No big hoo haa at all. I was dramatic enough during my uni time, time to put an end for that and move on with sensible life.

I always believe, I will meet good people everywhere, because me myself is a good person. Yes I do, I am slowly expanding my social circle here (don't call it networking because it sounds like I know these people because I want to use them). I technically don't work with my colleagues but work with our clients. Things go smoothly for me. People like me and they will smile/greet me happily when they see me. Of course, there are people who will show poker face when they see me, even though they know who I am already. My "colleagues" will ask me out sometimes, of course I won't mind to do that, if I have time. It's not that I don't have time, but I don't have much rest time.

I wonder it's a fate or what, my immediate boss has to take a long unpaid break, which is 3-6 months, because her dad is going under chemo for his cancer. She has decided to stop working until her dad recovers. My department is small, but workload is crazy. Everyone has his unique in our work. Another person has become my new immediate boss, but he will only "advice" and "monitor" what I do, but I am the one who will come out with the planning/managing/scheduling meeting/varsity visit/implementing/reporting. I was playing the wrong card? Or what? I am too close with our admin, until she will ask me to help with her work without hesitation, but she dare not to do that to other managers who are at the same level as I do.

I am not counting with her, but things get worse since my immediate boss left. My workload is doubled, yet I have to help with admin work sometimes. Just because I helped her previously and she thinks that's part of my job scope. I also don't decline because I understand how much she has to do when she has 7 managers who will give her work.

What am I doing? Yes, I am ranting. Because I am overwhelmed.

I feel like I don't have the right to complain because I am new and I am working with my clients. Complain/comments will only make them think that young people are incompetent and spoiled and can't handle stressful moments.

I don't mind to be busy, I can be happy when I am busy, what I mind is I don't like to work alone, when they can actually give me a little bit more help.

Furthermore, the initial reason to work - make ends meet has become the demotivator for me. My job is doubled, yet my increment will only be reviewed in yearly basis, and nobody will know how much, or not even being increased after a year.

I love my job, I really do. I just wish that my immediate boss will be back and I shall resume to what I am supposed to do. She told me, "you're doing great, maybe I don't even need to come back, because you are doing a good job. :)" Call me an idiot, I don't even feel like replace her! She is a very nice person to work with, negotiable, kind, down-to-earth and funny. My working hours is flexible as I don't even have to punch card or report when I go to office or go back home. I even went to office at 10am for once or twice because I overslept.

I guess I failed. I failed myself again and again. I feel ashamed when I don't practise what I preach. I am tired, exhausted, sleepy. Bye.

OS of the day:

Live it or leave it.