Just Have A Little Faith

Those three words, are too easily said these days.

Do we mean it? Or we mean it, but it's just valid temporarily?

We do not foresee the future, nor that we can, as nobody can tell what the future is gonna be. People who are realistic, don't make empty promises nowadays. So do I, so does he.

He always tells me, "I don't know, I don't have a plan when comes to this, let's take a step at a time, one step a day."

I totally got what he is trying to tell me. He doesn't have a plan for us, because he really doesn't. Diverged roads now he is standing, making the best decision that may possible lead him to the life he wants it to be. I never stop him from catching his dreams, for that I'm proud of having someone who has dreams to pursue, rather than someone who will just say those three words but can't even give himself the sense of security in monetary term.

I told him, "I'm not sure about this, we've just started and you're leaving, I don't know whether I can take it."

"It's your call, to end it now, if that's too hurtful for you, as we're fallen deeper as time goes by."

"I won't do it, it's stupid, I don't want to end it like how my godbro and his ex ended it."

WE always say, "Life is too short to groan over something that hasn't really happened."

But contradictorily, we're planning for a future. We all have to have a plan, or else we will ask the question, "what makes me alive?"

He told me I'm growing in him day by day. In fact, I said those three words first, risking the thought he might be scared by them. But no, he paused a while, and told me, "I have been wanting to tell you I love you, but I just didn't dare to, I love you too."

Now, he said it more often than I do. I wonder how much I mean for him. Because, really, I can't find a reason why he loves me, despite the fact that I need him more than he needs me in his life. Be it an inferior statement, he is not missing anything, even if he isn't not attached with me.

I'm not an ambitious person, I have dreams, but I am keen to remain them as they are.

I'm not a person with high taste. I live ordinarily. I choose to be so, because I don't like to be labelled as "high-end society", even I can see my life is leading to it, but I choose to be ordinary, I choose to be friendly, I choose to be "society-friendly".

I'm not English educated. He loves literature and flowery metaphoric languages, while I barely know anything about that. He keeps correcting my English, I keep learning, but keep forgetting as well. My brain cells are kinda rusty, or used up, or whatever you name it. I feel like my language capability has come to a limit where I can't even absorb just one more vocab.

What makes us together? He can't answer that question. He can just give me the standard commercialized lines, "I don't need to have a reason to love you." Yes, it's enough to sugarcoat me with a fake blush on my face. Nonetheless, what comes next? When love slowly fades away across time and space?

He said he doesn't put much thought about it, but I know he does, at least sometimes.

We're enjoying the presence of each other, for now. What will be next? Separation with a long chat of separation agreement? I doubt he loves me that much, or maybe I doubt myself. Just as realistic as the reality is, I don't really have anything that he is missing out in his life.

He will eventually meet someone who he finds more attractive, with all the qualification of an idea partner for him. I threw that question to him and he can't find a way to deny that as well.

Just have a little faith? Or I am just destined to meet the right person at the wrong time, and will eventually remain nothing more, but friends.

When people fell hard, they lost their faith to believe standing up without being fear to fall down again.


P/S: See? I write better when I'm emo. :P

OS of the day:

Solitude is to be learned. Learn to be alone, yet not lonely.